I look back on the past 3 years and feel amazed to be a part of Josephine’s life. Her world has given me a sense of understanding and patience I never thought I would have in my lifetime. I still look back and wonder what I did to deserve this amazing daughter I have before me.
So many times I would sit in restaurants, bothered by “those” kids running around or having meltdowns, judging “those parents” that “can’t control their kids” – I must point out SOME of the parents really DIDN’T control their kids, but then again, who am I to say???
We have become “those” parents … and that suits me just fine.
Josephine is who she is. She loves when she wants, kisses and hugs when she wants, talks when she wants, sings when she wants (which is ALL THE TIME and she’s got a gorgeous little voice, by the way) and melts down when she wants. There’s no predicting, no reason in some cases, many reasons in other cases. Yes, there are many times we TRY to control the meltdowns, but there are other times when she needs to go through her process. We make sure she is secure and safe. And we do take her out (usually my wonderful husband has that duty) if she is very disruptive. But this is who she is…at 1 year old or now 4 years old.
I admit I feel sad when I am around other kids her age or younger because I can’t help but compare. I feel a sense of loss, of mourning, even now, 3 years after her diagnosis – it doesn’t go away. We were at a party this weekend and Josephine was interacting with a little boy who had just turned 2 years old. The two of them were sitting there and I was in awe – at first I was in awe of how far “behind” she was from this boy – but then my negative awe turned to a positive awe because I could see how much progress she has made since her 3rd birthday. My sadness turned to pride.
Since last August, Josephine has grown mentally, physically and emotionally – she will now go to school in a car seat and NOT her wheelchair, she randomly runs up to be and gives me a kiss and runs off again (two milestones in one), she sings clear and strong, she can says WORDS…words, she recognizes those that matter so much in her world and giggles at the sight of them…she is growing more and more independent daily.
Josephine is our miracle. Our miracle that can celebrate who she is today and every day.
Happy 4th Birthday, Baby! Keep makin’ us proud – I know you will succeed in ALL you set out to do. That’s all I can ask for.